I dont know yet... i have been so stressed lately. What with college and moving to the city i just dont have time for all this art right now. Plus i have been dealing with a lot of crap lately. I mean a lot.
im so nervous of posting this. But ive posted it now so im probably still nervous. As you read you will know a lot about me when this is over.
i deal with androphobia. Since i was eight or nine years old. Now this hasn't happened for a long time obviously and i just found out i was dealing with this after telling a female doctor. She told me these things happen when ive dealt with something traumatic or something.
As most don't know androphobia is a fear or social phobia, where you are fearful of men. I can like men on the screen thats no problem. But when they are real life i feel like i cannot breath near them or they will hurt me. So i get an anxiety attack around them. Im 20 years old now and be turning 21. I wish to stop being fearful but with the life ive had im to scared to stop.
this phobia came after i was eight or nine. A man ive never met before or seen before came into my room in the middle of the night. Wanting to rape and kill me if i screamed. He luckily didnt touch me but he did raise his fist in the air as if to kill me with one punch. He didnt hurt me or anything but i was still so scared. He tried to touch me but i pretended to sleep and kept moving around so he wouldnt. Luckily he turned around and looked through my things and thats how ive escaped. I ran out as he was still turned, slowly leaning off the edge of my bed, and scooting to the end. I left with fear, but the man was gone as soon as my dad was searching for him. He was the one who started my phobia after that i couldnt go near any man. Family was somewhat okay, but strangers really got me nervous. My dad continues my phobia when he does scary things like yell or hit my mom. I just try and think no one in my family will hurt me. It works somewhat.
Now that im on social media men start talking to me sending disturbing things on messages on how they wish to meet me, and do things with me. I deny them gently, but they dont give up. Im scared someday they'll find me and hurt me to. So i just leave and never talk to them again. Da is not the same. But my phobia has gotten so bad to the point i just dont want any man talking to me. But i dont want that. I want people to talk to me without me being scared. So i want to deal with this and all the other things. I think getting off da is one good start. Ill post from time to time but wont be answering comments. Anyways lots of people dont leave comments anyway. So i think im good on that.
Im sorry to those who ive gotten close to but i think this is for the best. I just want to fix myself. I feel broken and i need a lot of duct tape...